Ben Galt

Gone are the day’s when a mans “man-ness” was defined through rites of passage. When his social status was established through ceremonies and milestones marking significant events like “coming of age”. At the very least he had a defining moment socially recognizing his transition from boyhood to manhood.

However growing up in a western society where rites of passage have fallen by the wayside, the critical skills a man requires in order to develop a strong lion-like posture in a modern world have somewhat changed.

With that in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of listing some of the most vital skills a male adult should develop in order to re-discover his masculinity and ‘become a man’ in a society littered with miss-matched gender roles.

Top 10 Vital Man Skills

1. First and foremost a man should know how to reverse a trailer. Requiring 15 attempts to back one into a driveway makes you look like a rookie and it’s simply not good enough.
    
2. A man should be able to assemble anything from IKEA. If you’re not a lumberjack and you can’t carve a coffee table from a log using only a hammer and chisel, this is the next best thing. Granted their instructions can be disjointed at best, however they do have instructions so there’s no excuse!
    
3. A man should be able to simultaneously drive a manual shift car and eat a Big Mac while not spilling any of its contents. Now you may think this is a useless skill and truthfully, you’d probably be right. However what this represents is ability to multi-task. Something we most certainly CAN do even though women have tried to convince us we can’t.
    
4. A man should know how to sharpen a kitchen knife using a steel. If you’re not sure what a steel is, I’ll save you the embarrassment and tell you. It’s a steel pole about 10 inches long connected to a handle with a very fine abrasive edge used for sharpening knives. At the very least you’ll look manly using one.
    
5. A man should be able to read road maps. Enough said!
    
6. A man should know how to fix a leaky tap. Taps are not complicated devices so If you’re not confident pulling one apart to change the washer you need to learn how. Always remember; You’re not expected to know how to build a house with a Swiss army knife, but men fix things, it’s part of what we do. Embrace it!
    
7. A man should know how to change a tyre. The last thing you want is to look like an idiot in front of your lady friend because you don’t know how to. Believe it or not there actually is a procedure to follow when doing this so it’s important to get it right.
    
8. A man should know how to give a proper hand shake. Like it or not everyone you meet will make a judgment about you based on your handshake either consciously or sub-consciously. With that in mind it’s important to make your first impression a good one. The last thing you want is to leave someone thinking you’re a limp-wristed push-over who isn’t comfortable in his own skin.

   So here’s a few tips: A good manly handshake should be firm, not too soft or you’ll look like a pansy, not too strong or they’ll think you’re compensating for something. Also remember to make eye contact, not showing eye contact during a handshake blatantly shows a lack of confidence, a gesture not welcomed if you’re looking for respect.
    

9. A man should know how to cook steak on a barbeque. The grill is our playground, so get comfortable with it. In fact most men can flip a steak, neck a beer and chat to a mate all at the same time. Isn’t that multi-tasking? I’m pretty sure it is!
    
10. A man should be able to give a woman flowers. Granted this one isn’t as much a skill as it is a declaration of ones feelings, however it’s important that you can do this because it highlights 2 significant things about you. 1) You think she’s special and you’re not afraid to show it. 2) You don’t care what nay-sayers think about your gestures of affection. In other words you’re telling her you actually have a pair of balls.

    Now many men find this one challenging, and if you’re one of them, I can offer you a word of encouragement. The biggest fear associated with giving flowers has its roots in vulnerability, fear that your affection may not be received the way you hoped it would. Remember, it’s not a sign of weakness, but rather a bold statement of strength that you’re prepared to do what others are not. And she will recognize it.

Phew!

Suffice to say it’s important to note that many other prominent man skills have not been included in this list and just because you haven’t mastered them all, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. However if you fall short on over half of these skills and cannot make up the difference with other man talents not referenced, I strongly suggest you seek HELP.

Remember, practice makes perfect!

Also, if there are any other prominent man skills I’ve neglected to mention above that you feel trump the ones I’ve chosen, please leave a comment below and I’ll be sure add them to a future list.

Australia day was a few weeks ago now, which makes this post a tad belated, however better late than never I say. The video below tells the weekends story better than I can. Enjoy!

There I was sitting down to lunch today, minding my own business, enjoying what I thought was a regular old sweet chili noodle meal, when BLAM… There it was, starring me in the face. A well-cooked juicy, fat, marinated fly. I was horrified to say the least!

“That’s pure filth” I said.

I thought to myself “I don’t remember ordering that”. Surely they don’t just throw them in there for extra flavor. I didn’t know what to do. Should I have taken it back to the restaurant and asked for a refund? Should I have contacted some sort of health authority? I probably should’ve done something. However I considered both options and felt they both required a level of effort I couldn’t muster up on such a hot day.

So I took a photo and blogged about it instead.

Now you may want to know which noodle resturant it was, incase your in the mood for noodles one day and want to avoid the creepy crawlies. Well it was the “Sushi & Noodle Bar” just down from the corner of Springvale road and Whitehorse road in Nunawading.

Dine at your own risk my friends!

As another year disappears into the history books, the birth of a fresh one spawns new memories of yet another awesome holiday. This year it was Merimbula, a small beachy town on the far east coast of Australia where the hustle and bustle of festive families were a plenty.

Now I’m not going to bore you with all the minute details of where I went and what I did, however I will share some of them, despite the fact they may seem lame or insignificant.

The first marks a new record for me… The biggest salmon I’ve landed to date. But before you get all excited I can’t tell you how much it actually weighed, though it easily dwarfed all my previous catches. I had a conservative guess at about 1.5kg.

Following the climax of catching that massive salmon was the anti-climax of eating the smallest flake fillet I’ve ever seen. This poor excuse for a fillet was not only small but it was expensive and far from fresh. Not quite what I expected from a supposedly premium coastal Fish and Chip shop. Let it be said though, that I don’t mind paying good money for quality, however sadly, this was far from it. You can see below it more resembles a fish finger than a fillet.

(The Coke bottle is 600ml)

Nevertheless this didn’t hinder my vacation one bit. Nor did getting seasick on a charter boat or breaking a chair leg and falling over like a retard.

Merimbula was a beautiful town filled with friendly locals, plenty to see and do, and was a great place to have a break. However not all credit can be given to the place we stayed as where you go is only a small part of what makes up the total experience, the rest goes to the company. I have to give extra special thanks to Luke, Webley, Ayman, Beth and Orch for making it one to remember.

Cheers guys!

After 7 hours of bucks party shenanigans last Friday night, I found myself in the company of a fellow handyman (Liam), standing next to my car soaking wet, trying to answer the question, which window will be the cheapest to replace?

How did this come about? Well, I locked my freakin keys in it. An honest mistake though, one that many have made before. However this is not your everyday, run of the mill keys in the car mishap. I managed to go one up. I locked the spare key in there too, AND I left the interior light on.

In case you hadn’t realised, I’m skilled!

After an hour and a half of cramming everything from box strapping tape to kitchen utensils between the rubber seals of every possible gap, it was very clear that the Hilux fortress was impenetrable. It also didn’t help that the worst rain Melbourne has seen all year decided to join us. The inevitable was now obvious, brute force was the only way in.

With force the only option, the obvious question arose, which window would be the cheapest to replace. Upon reflection of my previous car (a Morris mini) I took an educated guess that the quarter vents would probably be the rarest and most expensive. Confident with my decision I put a neighbors retaining wall rock through the rear passenger side window, a logical choice I thought. However as Murphy’s Law would have it, that was the most expensive window, and the only one that no window repairers had in stock. Thanks Murphy!

You might ask why I didn’t call the RACV, well im not a member. You might also ask why I didn’t call a family member to bring a spare, truth is I didn’t think they had one. But alas Murphy’s law strikes again… Turns out dad did indeed have one on his key chain. Arrgggh!

So was there a lesson learned?

I think I’d have to say I yes, given that the next day I went and got 3 spares keys cut and gave one each to the rest of my family!

Ok, so my previous video hasn’t proven to be a crowd pleaser. Matt and Callum, your kind words seem to follow a common trend. I guess it’s an acquired taste… haha!

You may well find this one more entertaining. The pain and retardation of others has long been a cheek tweaker. So enjoy!

I came across this the other day when I was sifting through my old videos.

Ok, I don’t really have an explanation for what you’ve just seen. Truth be told I’m not sure what I was thinking or what I was on when I made it. However I can assure you, there is more where this came from.

Sunday night I returned home to my humble sanctuary only to receive an unpleasant surprise. My bedroom had a lingering odor which reminded me of a pooh-ey nappy. But how could this be? My niece hadn’t been over that day and all of my shoes had clean soles… Something was amiss!

After eliminating all the possible culprits I remembered that only a week earlier I had heard the scratching of tiny claws in the roof. As I connected the dots it became clear… A pesky rodent had gone and karked it in the most inconvenient place possible, the roof of my bedroom. By the time I figured out what had happened I was too tired to deal with it. So off to bed I went.

The following night, what had started out as a bad smell, was now a nauseating slap in the face, and something had to be done. So into the laundry and up the manhole I went with a bag in one hand and a torch in the other. After 15 minutes of crawling around in awkward positions, and still no sign of it, I was beginning to lose hope. So I took a breather and mum went up for a girl look. 15 more minutes of searching and the elusive rodent was still nowhere to be found. It had to be there somewhere… Surely!

With newfound determination I ventured back up the ladder to rejoin my mother in search of the source. We weren’t quitting until it was found. Period!

Then, only minutes later I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Over in the corner, in the most difficult place to get to, was the karkus of an expired rat. EUREKA!

Armed with a plastic bag and my limbs at full stretch I was able to secure the culprit. As quickly as possible and with minimal dry-reaching the rat was shown its new home outside in the wheelie bin. Things could now return to normal.

A good team effort mum.

Once again I found myself sitting in a McDonalds restaurant faced with the challenge of devouring an unhealthy amount of chicken nuggets… Thanks Paul!

It’s my own silly fault I guess, I opened my big mouth and reminded everyone of my un-challenged 40 nugget record, which while legitimate and impressive, apparently required confirmation.

So with 40 nuggets staring me down, an audience, and my reputation at stake, I got to work. 10 nuggets down, then another 10… It was all going swimmingly until number 27, it was then that things began to hurt, and in strange places. It became evident very quickly that my stomach simply didn’t have room for 40 nuggets. Maybe I’m not the beast I once was, or maybe it had something to do with the medium cheeseburger meal I smashed prior to accepting the challenge. You decide!

Any which way, 30 nuggets is a valiant effort… trust me, that’s a lot of nuggets!

Ever heard the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” or “a leopard never changes its spots”? They’re used in reference to change, or more accurately, inability to change. Simply put it means that people’s personalities are unlikely to shift suddenly in one direction or another. An expression that encapsulates this thought is one you’ve most likely already heard, “once a cheater, always a cheater”.

I’m beginning to believe that the thought of people changing, myself included, is more along the lines of fantasy, not reality. It seems more fitting to say that the pattern people’s personalities take as they mature is one of growth, not change.

For a change to occur in a person’s behavior there has to first be a revelation, a moment of clarity where they realize something is wrong or that a situation could have been handled better. Not easily manufactured! Yet even with revelation, it’s assumed that they have the humility to admit fault and want to change.

Rest assured I’m not losing my faith in humanity; rather I’m identifying trends in human behavior, which I’m only beginning to understand. The expectation that people “can” change, even if they want to has proven to me a foolish one. In my experience this only leads to anguish and frustration.

The gravity of the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” is often felt when trying to answer the question, what do I do when someone I care about cannot get passed an issue that’s monumental to them, yet seems insignificant to me. When all you want for them is freedom from their self-perpetuating internal jail, yet your seemingly helpful words fall on deaf ears.

Well I’m still working that one out, but what I do know for certain is that you cannot change for them. I know that sounds obvious but the truth is you cannot sacrifice yourself for someone with an expectation that your sacrifice will give them an “ahh ha” experience. In many cases the kindest yet hardest thing you can do is let them fall. Change as it seems, is futile without consequence.

My feelings towards someone being able to alter their personality for the better (provided they want to) as radically as “change” implies, are similar to those I have for someone trying to quit smoking cold turkey, it’s painful for them, it’s unpleasant for everyone around them and it rarely works.

Upon reflection of recent personal experiences, the validity of the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” appears more accurate than I want to believe.

That said, people can suprise you, they’re just unlikely to.